I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
