he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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