You're my little dorito
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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