I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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