am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
