she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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