how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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