You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
