Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I came so hard my ears popped.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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