Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
