So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I will pee on everything he values.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
