Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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