One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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