i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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