i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
smell my finger.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
