it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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