Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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