i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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