I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize