i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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