woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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