smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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