so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
