He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
