i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
