Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize