Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
