there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
