So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize