She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
