So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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