If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
