well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
