but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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