Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
