I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
