tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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