i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
