im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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