Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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