Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my shit smells like andre
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
