Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
