a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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