Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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