If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
