rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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