This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
