they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
