i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
