I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have aggressive nipples.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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