There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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