I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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