It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
