One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
