Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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