yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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