I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
