so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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