I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
