I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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