I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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