her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
