There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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