I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
